shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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