um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize