Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
