look no pants
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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