dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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