dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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