are you so shy because you have an std?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
