In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
