I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
