Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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