Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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