I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
