she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
