It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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