You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
