and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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