i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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