We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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