??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize