... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want a musical about memes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
