we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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