the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
