finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
