RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Im part way to drunk.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
