Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
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They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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