There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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