I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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