So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
