oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
