I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
