She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I still have a little drunk in my system
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
