Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
