I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize