Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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