thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
