You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
