Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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