In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
