Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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