Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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