is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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