Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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