hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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