I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
