yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
