i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
