This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
