It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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