Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
