Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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