i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
