my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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