WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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