haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cockslap morals
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
