So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cockslap morals
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
