the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
