I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
