youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
