bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
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