We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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