Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
