good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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