Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its not stalking. its research.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
