I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
